Derek Wilken, on the scary moment in Calgary when a roof over the dining room of a senior citizens complex collapsed: ?Officials say the damage could have been worse, but most of the Flames had opted out of the optional meal.? . . . RJ Currie, on Elisha Cuthbert, girlfriend of Toronto blue-liner Dion Phaneuf, starring in the new sitcom Happy Endings: ?Judging by the title, the show has nothing to do with the Maple Leafs.? . . . Kobe Bryant has been fined $100,000 by the NBA for a homophobic slur. He says he will buy all gays and lesbians diamond rings . . . Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen, on the NBA fining Bryant $100,000: ?He said Luke Walton was a good player.? . . . Janice Hough, on the Boston Red Sox?s slow start: ?Even Cubs fans are sending sympathy notes.? . . . I think the Saskatoon Blades were Schwartzeled . . . Currie, after ESPN reported Dallas Mavericks guard J.J. Barea is having his best year ever in scoring: ?Not sure if they?re referring to his 9.0 PPG or dating ex-Miss Universe Zuleyka Rivera.?. . . Who does Carey Price think he is? Jaroslav Halak?
TC Chong, on Prince William and Kate Middleton tying the knot at the end of the month: ?Kate has gone on record saying she likes to call her future husband ?Big Willy.? I?ll bet her family is glad she?s not marrying someone named Richard.? . . . Currie, on researchers saying they have developed an iPhone that can be dialed just by using one?s brainwaves: ?I can?t see it working for Sean Avery.? . . . Boston Pizza locations in Montreal will unofficially be named Montreal Pizza during the NHL playoffs. In a related story, the Boston Golf Club will officially be named the Toronto Golf Club . . . Wilken says watching the Nashville Predators reminds him of past Stanley Cup contenders: ?Like the 2006 Edmonton Oilers, the 2005 Calgary Flames and the 1942 Toronto Maple Leafs.? . . . Bill Littlejohn, on MMA fighter Cindy Dandois winning a fight in which she later found out that she was pregnant: ?Who would?ve ever thought that MMA could become the MaMA?? . . . Currie, on a new study saying classical music is the most effective way to clear young people out of public places: ?A close second is curling.? . . . Carl Lewis is entering the race for the New Jersey Senate. He is promising to run a clean campaign.
Currie, on the Lingerie Football League announcing plans this week to have six teams in Canada by 2012: ?Yahoo! Sports thinks it can?t work because compared to the CFL, it won?t have nearly as much coverage. This is also why most men think it will work.? . . . Chong says he has his LFL season tickets already: ?Section DD.? . . . Rihanna says she?d like to spank Britney Spears. I?m thinking Rihanna is taking this S&M thing a little too far . . . Littlejohn, on former NBA star John Lucas saying he is no longer JaMarcus Russell?s life coach: ?Sounds more like JaMarcus needs a get-a-life coach.? . . . When Rory Mcllroy arrived in Kuala Lumpur for the Malaysian Open, he didn?t have his golf clubs. Apparently, he left them on the 10th hole at Augusta . . . From Wilken: ?With the floods in Manitoba becoming severe, a call has gone out to Gary Bettman who has shown exceptional skill in sandbagging Winnipeg.? . . . Currie, on Forbes releasing its list of the wealthiest cartoon characters. ?The top three are Richie Rich, Scrooge McDuck and Hank Steinbrenner.?
Hough, on reports Manny Ramirez is retiring after failing a drug test and facing a 100-game suspension: ?I?m thinking Manny is just taking an extended maternity leave.? . . . From Rolfsen: ?During a traffic stop, Allen Iverson asked police if they knew who he was. I?m wondering if the police said, ?Yeah, you?re the guy who averaged nine points a game for Besiktas Cola Turka.?? . . . Currie, on a nine-foot alligator being on the loose after escaping from a nature centre in Arkansas: ?In a related story, the Barry Bonds perjury trial turned out to be a big crock.? . . . Definition of loneliness: Hosting an evening sports talking-head show during the NHL playoffs. (Did you know talking-head shows have ?hot? lists? These are lists of people the show can call to fill the dead air.) . . . I have 11 games for the San Jose Sharks in my playoff draft . . . Terry Bradshaw says he is feeling the effects from the concussions he received playing football. He just figured this out? . . . Currie, on SoundCloud.com taking audio clips of Maria Sharapova grunting during tennis matches and turning them into a song. ?Three suggested titles: 3. Angel of the Moaning; 2. Super Shriek; 1. A Groan Again Naturally.?
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Source: http://www.montrealgazette.com/sports/coverup+ingerie+league/4625464/story.html
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